Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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