if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
