forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
