I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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