Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
