No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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