I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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