apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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