so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize