He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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