My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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