I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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