do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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