if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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