The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
