You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize