ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
