Ambien. No doubt about it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
