Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
