Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
