We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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