Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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