i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
True strength comes from lack of pants
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
