but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
