If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
