If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
