you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
