I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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