K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
