no, he came in my armpit
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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