We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize