PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
