so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
