So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
