If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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