Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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