i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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