i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
