Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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