I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
