I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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