Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
