I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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