yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
