That's intense
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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