i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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