A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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