sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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