The maid of honor just puked.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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