Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
