No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
