last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
