reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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