Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
