we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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