And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
