they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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