I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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