I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
