Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
