We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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