In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
