im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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