we made out on top of his cat.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
