what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
