I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize