Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
