if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
