awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
