But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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