When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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