she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
