I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
