You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
