Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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