Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize