Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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