i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
