The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
