He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
