True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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