I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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