Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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