if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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