I got chris browned last night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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