i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
