At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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