i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
