Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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