i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
