Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
