He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
