If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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