How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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