I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
