If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
