Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize