Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
