So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
