Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
