I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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