Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
is it fun? or sober?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize