giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
