my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
tell me about the fingering
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