My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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